Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
