Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
