I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
