Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My vagina just recognized that song.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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