lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
