i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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