fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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