i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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