I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
