it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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