Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
