I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
