I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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