i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
