Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
