apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
