My underwear smells like fireworks.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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