So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
