Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
