giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
