It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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