sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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