im drinking this country out of the recession.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
