I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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