Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
