Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
