do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
