I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
