then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
