she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
