Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
