My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
