So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
