i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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