i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
