she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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