I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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