I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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