you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
