I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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