my sisters under your porch take her home
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
