no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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