Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
