i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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