I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My penis needs a shock collar
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
