she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
