The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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