from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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