That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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