he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
