You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
