Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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