I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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