goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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