Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
