My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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