Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize