Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
