New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
