You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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