I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
