So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
