this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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