walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
