i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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