Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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