im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
