He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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