i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
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Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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