i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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