What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
