just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
