he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
