I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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