the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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