when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
