I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
