I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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