i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
