I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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