hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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