Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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