When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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