I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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