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You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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