I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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