I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
