so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
