just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
