She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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